1.WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES?
Our plates are white; courtesy of many people and wedding presents.
2.WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Science of the Discworld 2; the Globe.
3.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
Trivial Pursuit
4.LEAST FAVORITE SMELLS?
Melena.
5.FAVORITE COLOR?
Purple
6.LEAST FAVORITE COLOR?
Watermelon pink or lime green.
7.HOW MANY RINGS UNTIL YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?
five.
8.FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
Um... the Boi doesn't like it when I reveal these things...
9.CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
Vanilla milkshakes, coffee and ice cream... chocolate all else.
10.DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST?
Um... yeah...
11.DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
Nope: two cats and the Boi. I do have a collection of stuffed toys though.
12.DO YOU LIKE THUNDERSTORMS?
Yes; they turn me on.
13.WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
1987 Holden Camira SLX; and I miss her. She was called Little Bitch Blue and could tell my moods and how tired I was. When I was very tired and probably dangerous behind the wheel she wouldn't work. When I was upset she'd tell me to "check engine."
14.WHAT IS YOUR SIGN?
"Cattle Crossing"
15.DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?
Yes, but not the big thick one.
16.IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Extra in movies and on TV. That way I could fulfill a dream without the negative side of fame; I've also done this job and was happier and healthier than ever.
17.IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOR HAIR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Dark Auburn bordering on Burgundy. Or purple.
18.IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY?
This depends on the day. At the moment the glass is overflowing. Last evening for a while it was broken.
19.FAVORITE MOVIE?
Breakfast at Tiffany's.
20.DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?
yes.
21.WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
Floor boards, dust bunnies.
22.YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST INTENSE PAIN?
Not being able to let things go.
23.PERSON(S) YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
I'm not sending this to anyone. I'm doing this as a narcissistic snapshot of where I am during a rather difficult time.
24.WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
See above.
26.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Autumn.
27.THE BEST PLACE YOU HAVE EVER BEEN?
The end of the Middle Brighton pier at sunset.
28.WHAT SCREEN SAVER IS ON YOUR COMPUTER RIGHT NOW?
None; but our wallpaper is of the FSM.
29.FAVORITE FAST FOOD?
Hot Chips with gravy.
30.WHAT IS YOUR BIRTH NAME?
My birth certificate says "Cathryn Mary Hayward."
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Day five
To try and remove myself from the situation today I thought I'd read others experiences. This might normalise some of the feelings that I'm having today. Before i explore the up side of IVF an update on how I am feeling: SHIT.
I'm moody in a bad way, feel like I am sulking, cooking even though the temperature is reasonable (i.e. not 30C) and have an overwhelming need to cry but cannot seem to achieve this. Oh, yeah, and my tummy hurts where I was injected this morning.
Blogs of interest or note on this topic:
Ugot2beKidding: a series of light hearted posts that made me laugh. Nikki's most recent ones are of the "things that made me laugh" rather than the heavier "oh woe is my empty uterus" styling. This might be as she is in her second trimester!
My favourite post from todays read was Twelve Days of Christmas. It made me laugh out loud, which is a good thing at this time.
Next I stumbled over Jenny From The Infertility Block. She's one of the founders of cyclesista; a blog role of who is undergoing treatment at this time. She's going through all the fun of pregnancy too. This is giving me much hope. Her Miss Manners post should be available on a t-shirt. Many girlfriends have commented on the invasion of personal space that happens during pregnancy and I think she has captured the overall feeling in this post.
My Fave quote from this site?
Don't tell me it will be easier to get pregnant the second time - if sperm doesn't swim, it doesn't get any easier
Next we have that Dynamo Dad himself, Aussie Max from Sydney. I love getting a different perspective on the whole process. Sometimes I fear that the Boi isn't telling me all that he is feeling about this, so reading males blogs on infertility and parenthood helps to fill some of this gap.
Max has a way of putting things that makes me smile and cry. His views on the language differences between here and the US, highlighted in the debate on "rooting" is funny, his diabetes and donuts rant spot on and his quest to lose weight heart warming (especially as a female trying to do the same thing. It's nice to here a guy struggle.)
Max isn't afraid to put himself out there. I like this.
Baby Quest has a long section of infertility humour. Some of it's cringe worthy. Some of it doesn't translate to Oz. Miss Quest has PCOS so her condition is tricky and the treatments are somewhat different from those that I have experienced. The worst I can expect is not enough eggs for harvest. She might develop cysts and lose her ovaries all together with the treatments.
Ok... so I'm off to kill a neighbour playing doof-doof while my head hurts and my hormones are in "All men are evil and must be castrated for the good of the species" mode.
It's OK, I won't waste the corpse.
BBQ, our place, tommorrow.
We'll supply the meat. ;p
I'm moody in a bad way, feel like I am sulking, cooking even though the temperature is reasonable (i.e. not 30C) and have an overwhelming need to cry but cannot seem to achieve this. Oh, yeah, and my tummy hurts where I was injected this morning.
Blogs of interest or note on this topic:
Ugot2beKidding: a series of light hearted posts that made me laugh. Nikki's most recent ones are of the "things that made me laugh" rather than the heavier "oh woe is my empty uterus" styling. This might be as she is in her second trimester!
My favourite post from todays read was Twelve Days of Christmas. It made me laugh out loud, which is a good thing at this time.
Next I stumbled over Jenny From The Infertility Block. She's one of the founders of cyclesista; a blog role of who is undergoing treatment at this time. She's going through all the fun of pregnancy too. This is giving me much hope. Her Miss Manners post should be available on a t-shirt. Many girlfriends have commented on the invasion of personal space that happens during pregnancy and I think she has captured the overall feeling in this post.
My Fave quote from this site?
Don't tell me it will be easier to get pregnant the second time - if sperm doesn't swim, it doesn't get any easier
Next we have that Dynamo Dad himself, Aussie Max from Sydney. I love getting a different perspective on the whole process. Sometimes I fear that the Boi isn't telling me all that he is feeling about this, so reading males blogs on infertility and parenthood helps to fill some of this gap.
Max has a way of putting things that makes me smile and cry. His views on the language differences between here and the US, highlighted in the debate on "rooting" is funny, his diabetes and donuts rant spot on and his quest to lose weight heart warming (especially as a female trying to do the same thing. It's nice to here a guy struggle.)
Max isn't afraid to put himself out there. I like this.
Baby Quest has a long section of infertility humour. Some of it's cringe worthy. Some of it doesn't translate to Oz. Miss Quest has PCOS so her condition is tricky and the treatments are somewhat different from those that I have experienced. The worst I can expect is not enough eggs for harvest. She might develop cysts and lose her ovaries all together with the treatments.
Ok... so I'm off to kill a neighbour playing doof-doof while my head hurts and my hormones are in "All men are evil and must be castrated for the good of the species" mode.
It's OK, I won't waste the corpse.
BBQ, our place, tommorrow.
We'll supply the meat. ;p
Friday, January 12, 2007
Day four...
So, nothing new to report today.
Puregon injection went well this morning... I only felt every cell being speared on the way through but no bruising, which I am sure is what counts. The Boi does a great job considering that he has no medical training; as he says "I'm only an amateur gynaecologist but I'm happy to look in to it."
The Synarel is causing more headaches and starting to disrupt my sleep patterns. It's also impacting upon my moods. What credibility will I have left as a Goth if I keep wandering around with a grin on my face?
The Boi cleaned today so I was welcomed home to the scent of lemon. He also got his head shaved so he looks more like a teddy bear than ever and all I want to do is cuddle him while patting his number 3 cut.
Work was busy but well organised. It also wasn't too hot today, which is a bonus.
So, if you've read this you've lost a minute and a half of your life you'll never get back and learnt nothing new.
Still feeling like a battery hen... pumped full of hormones and awaiting eggs...
Dinner time.
Puregon injection went well this morning... I only felt every cell being speared on the way through but no bruising, which I am sure is what counts. The Boi does a great job considering that he has no medical training; as he says "I'm only an amateur gynaecologist but I'm happy to look in to it."
The Synarel is causing more headaches and starting to disrupt my sleep patterns. It's also impacting upon my moods. What credibility will I have left as a Goth if I keep wandering around with a grin on my face?
The Boi cleaned today so I was welcomed home to the scent of lemon. He also got his head shaved so he looks more like a teddy bear than ever and all I want to do is cuddle him while patting his number 3 cut.
Work was busy but well organised. It also wasn't too hot today, which is a bonus.
So, if you've read this you've lost a minute and a half of your life you'll never get back and learnt nothing new.
Still feeling like a battery hen... pumped full of hormones and awaiting eggs...
Dinner time.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Puregon
Day three of the latest IVF cycle: today we start the injections of Puregon.
As the propaganda at the website states: It contains a hormone similar to the human hormone FSH (follicle stimulating hormone). This hormone causes eggs to become mature and ready for release by the ovary. The more eggs that mature, the greater the chance that one of them will be fertilized, leading to pregnancy.
So the side effects are not dissimilar to ovulating.
The Synarel headaches are getting worse.
No side effects from the Puregon yet; except a tender spot where my darling drug pusher injected me. There's no bruising at site though which is a bonus.
I tested myself in the "tears for no reason" stakes today. I began in the nappy isle of the Supermarket; NO TEARS. I then graduated to the baby section in Target and spent an hour cooing over the gorgeous baby clothing. I'm taking this as a good sign.
I read the Boi's entry which makes me sad, I know he will be a good provider and is worrying for no reason. How to get him to see this.
Anyway; I'm going to pass out in front of the TV and eat ice cream and chocolate topping to make me even fatter and it even harder for people to find my ovaries while watching crappy US sitcoms.
As the propaganda at the website states: It contains a hormone similar to the human hormone FSH (follicle stimulating hormone). This hormone causes eggs to become mature and ready for release by the ovary. The more eggs that mature, the greater the chance that one of them will be fertilized, leading to pregnancy.
So the side effects are not dissimilar to ovulating.
The Synarel headaches are getting worse.
No side effects from the Puregon yet; except a tender spot where my darling drug pusher injected me. There's no bruising at site though which is a bonus.
I tested myself in the "tears for no reason" stakes today. I began in the nappy isle of the Supermarket; NO TEARS. I then graduated to the baby section in Target and spent an hour cooing over the gorgeous baby clothing. I'm taking this as a good sign.
I read the Boi's entry which makes me sad, I know he will be a good provider and is worrying for no reason. How to get him to see this.
Anyway; I'm going to pass out in front of the TV and eat ice cream and chocolate topping to make me even fatter and it even harder for people to find my ovaries while watching crappy US sitcoms.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Syneral
OK, so Aunt Flo came. This meant that this morning I got to start taking Syneral.
Syneral: this link gives a good idea of the uses and the effects.
So far: Vaguer than usual. This means that I found it hard to complete the work today at a pace I wanted to. It also means I have no tolerance for idiots around me. I get to be flaky; you don't.
I don't know if the Synarel or the prolonged ovulation fun means I am feeling totally bitchy; it could be the heat.
It could be the lack of sleep.
Maybe it's having no energy from working long hours and wanting to nest; so I spend all day cleaning others rooms and my own is an organised mess. (The Boi is great but he doesn't sterilise everything like I am currently in the need to do, nor is he vacuuming every five minutes or trying to toilet train the cats... all points against him at the moment.)
It could be messages about how the Boi is feeling like he's not fulfilling the hunter/gatherer role well enough so I can be a lazy cow and focus on the IVF. I know I've gotten this mixed up so "the Boi" please feel free to correct and give your side of this situation.
Headache from over hot and from Synarel; that was fun last time too.
So lets consider a direct quote from the above link:
"With regards to side effects, nafarelin commonly causes hot flushes, changes in sex drive, vaginal dryness, headaches, mood changes, acne, muscle pains, changes in menstrual bleeds, or decreased breast size, all of which relate to the lowering of oestrogen concentrations in the blood. It may also cause local irritation to the nose."
hot flushes: How can I tell with this f@#king heat?
changes in sex drive: Nope, not interested at this point due to heat. Does explain the whole not wanting to through the last two cycles on Synarel.
vaginal dryness: Like I check each day... unless you're having sex like rabbits who can tell?
headaches: Yes, big bad ones too. This could be dehydration but I don't think it is. They aren't migraines (I can still function) and drinking lots of water doesn't ease them. So I'd pretty much say yep, they cause headaches.
mood changes: What! I'm not a moody cow just because it's hot, I'm sleep deprived, I'm in the middle of a cycle and my house looks like a bombsite while I spend all day cleaning other peoples filth? Well that's a relief... and here was I thinking I could apply for a position writing for one of the many needless spite sites on the net. Bugger!
acne: Yes, but that could be connected to my cycle, the heat playing havoc with my skin, or not washing off the SPF 30+ I apply to my face every day properly. Let's blame the drugs though.
muscle pains: Yes. New job using muscles I haven't used in ages? Low tissue salt levels from sweating all day? Drug? I choose the drug, then I'm not as unhealthy as the first ones make me sound.
changes in menstrual bleeds: Might it be that I have enough iron and Folate in my diet meaning a heavier and less painful flow? Could it be the drugs? Is this just way too much information?
decreased breast size: Um... if I noticed this the post would be about them vanishing. It's title would be "Fifteen year old mosquito bites finally heeled." 'Nuff said.
local irritation to the nose: What? A drug taken nasally can irritate the nose? WOW! Whodathunkit. *Shakes head in amazement*
You can read the Boi's take on the return to IVF over at But You Read It... just push the link on the side.
Myself? I'm scared, confused, feeling like crap, tired, hot, moody and craving pickled onions and glasses of milk. I'm also nesting; so not having energy to clean my own space is shitting me.
Tomorrow it's the joy of the injections.
Syneral: this link gives a good idea of the uses and the effects.
So far: Vaguer than usual. This means that I found it hard to complete the work today at a pace I wanted to. It also means I have no tolerance for idiots around me. I get to be flaky; you don't.
I don't know if the Synarel or the prolonged ovulation fun means I am feeling totally bitchy; it could be the heat.
It could be the lack of sleep.
Maybe it's having no energy from working long hours and wanting to nest; so I spend all day cleaning others rooms and my own is an organised mess. (The Boi is great but he doesn't sterilise everything like I am currently in the need to do, nor is he vacuuming every five minutes or trying to toilet train the cats... all points against him at the moment.)
It could be messages about how the Boi is feeling like he's not fulfilling the hunter/gatherer role well enough so I can be a lazy cow and focus on the IVF. I know I've gotten this mixed up so "the Boi" please feel free to correct and give your side of this situation.
Headache from over hot and from Synarel; that was fun last time too.
So lets consider a direct quote from the above link:
"With regards to side effects, nafarelin commonly causes hot flushes, changes in sex drive, vaginal dryness, headaches, mood changes, acne, muscle pains, changes in menstrual bleeds, or decreased breast size, all of which relate to the lowering of oestrogen concentrations in the blood. It may also cause local irritation to the nose."
hot flushes: How can I tell with this f@#king heat?
changes in sex drive: Nope, not interested at this point due to heat. Does explain the whole not wanting to through the last two cycles on Synarel.
vaginal dryness: Like I check each day... unless you're having sex like rabbits who can tell?
headaches: Yes, big bad ones too. This could be dehydration but I don't think it is. They aren't migraines (I can still function) and drinking lots of water doesn't ease them. So I'd pretty much say yep, they cause headaches.
mood changes: What! I'm not a moody cow just because it's hot, I'm sleep deprived, I'm in the middle of a cycle and my house looks like a bombsite while I spend all day cleaning other peoples filth? Well that's a relief... and here was I thinking I could apply for a position writing for one of the many needless spite sites on the net. Bugger!
acne: Yes, but that could be connected to my cycle, the heat playing havoc with my skin, or not washing off the SPF 30+ I apply to my face every day properly. Let's blame the drugs though.
muscle pains: Yes. New job using muscles I haven't used in ages? Low tissue salt levels from sweating all day? Drug? I choose the drug, then I'm not as unhealthy as the first ones make me sound.
changes in menstrual bleeds: Might it be that I have enough iron and Folate in my diet meaning a heavier and less painful flow? Could it be the drugs? Is this just way too much information?
decreased breast size: Um... if I noticed this the post would be about them vanishing. It's title would be "Fifteen year old mosquito bites finally heeled." 'Nuff said.
local irritation to the nose: What? A drug taken nasally can irritate the nose? WOW! Whodathunkit. *Shakes head in amazement*
You can read the Boi's take on the return to IVF over at But You Read It... just push the link on the side.
Myself? I'm scared, confused, feeling like crap, tired, hot, moody and craving pickled onions and glasses of milk. I'm also nesting; so not having energy to clean my own space is shitting me.
Tomorrow it's the joy of the injections.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
IVF; the next chapter.
Once Lady Flo appears I am to start the next round of drugs for IVF. If all goes to plan within a month I will be implanted with a blastocyte. They are trying another technique which they have perfected since our miscarriage this time last year.
I'm anxious as this time last year I was on cloud 9; pregnant, new job, going well in my courses and volunteer work. Then I miscarried and got fired. I've probably ranted somewhere about the events surrounding that so I am attempting to apply my resolution for 2007 to this.
Oh, yeah, my resolution... don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff.
As things happen I'll keep people posted. When I am more awake I will post all the gruesome details about what drugs, procedures, etc we have... maybe a few photos of bruises from injections too.
I'm anxious as this time last year I was on cloud 9; pregnant, new job, going well in my courses and volunteer work. Then I miscarried and got fired. I've probably ranted somewhere about the events surrounding that so I am attempting to apply my resolution for 2007 to this.
Oh, yeah, my resolution... don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff.
As things happen I'll keep people posted. When I am more awake I will post all the gruesome details about what drugs, procedures, etc we have... maybe a few photos of bruises from injections too.
New Job.
I've been busy, which explains my slackness in the blogosphere lately.
I started my new job on Tuesday and since then have worked 41 hours. I'm cleaning rooms at a resort; which is much harder than I thought it would be. It's fun though, in a "learning new skills, eye to detail being honed, great people to work with" way.
Ten of the hours worked were in my usual job as an agency nurse. This was a nice juxtaposition to the cleaning but allowed me to get some practice in at a slower pace of some of the skills I had picked up over the past week.
What I've learnt so far:
It's more tiring work than any I have ever done before.
It is a high pressure environment but in a different way to Aged Care.
The industry has a lot of waste; 1/4 roles of T.P. are thrown out; not even put into a collective for use in the staff rooms like other places I have heard of do. The amount of soap that is wasted too. We throw out any soap that might of been used. I see the logic but once again would like to see it used in the staff rooms.
Either of these items could be thrown in to a collective pit; along with half containers of bath salts, partly used containers of shampoos, conditioners and body washes; for use by staff off site.
I'd love to use the leftover soaps to experiment with soap making; you grate it down, melt it with some water then cast it. Plain white soaps would allow for me to learn technique and mixing ratios, also in making hand and bath liquid soaps.
I know why they don't do this; but as a person trying to reduce the depth of the footprint she leaves on the planet any waste is a sore point.
The industry is water intensive; fortunately they grey water store the bathrooms and kitchens water for use on the vines and gardens. They also have large water tanks to catch what little rain there is for use in the pools and baths at the health spa side of things.
There is never enough linen; ever; in aged care or hospitality.
Though tired and sore, I am happier than I have been in ages which is a bonus. I am also starting to feel healthier which is a bonus.
I started my new job on Tuesday and since then have worked 41 hours. I'm cleaning rooms at a resort; which is much harder than I thought it would be. It's fun though, in a "learning new skills, eye to detail being honed, great people to work with" way.
Ten of the hours worked were in my usual job as an agency nurse. This was a nice juxtaposition to the cleaning but allowed me to get some practice in at a slower pace of some of the skills I had picked up over the past week.
What I've learnt so far:
It's more tiring work than any I have ever done before.
It is a high pressure environment but in a different way to Aged Care.
The industry has a lot of waste; 1/4 roles of T.P. are thrown out; not even put into a collective for use in the staff rooms like other places I have heard of do. The amount of soap that is wasted too. We throw out any soap that might of been used. I see the logic but once again would like to see it used in the staff rooms.
Either of these items could be thrown in to a collective pit; along with half containers of bath salts, partly used containers of shampoos, conditioners and body washes; for use by staff off site.
I'd love to use the leftover soaps to experiment with soap making; you grate it down, melt it with some water then cast it. Plain white soaps would allow for me to learn technique and mixing ratios, also in making hand and bath liquid soaps.
I know why they don't do this; but as a person trying to reduce the depth of the footprint she leaves on the planet any waste is a sore point.
The industry is water intensive; fortunately they grey water store the bathrooms and kitchens water for use on the vines and gardens. They also have large water tanks to catch what little rain there is for use in the pools and baths at the health spa side of things.
There is never enough linen; ever; in aged care or hospitality.
Though tired and sore, I am happier than I have been in ages which is a bonus. I am also starting to feel healthier which is a bonus.
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