Only 5 more sleeps till the blood test...

... and as the time grows closer my nerves string them selves ever thinner.

Little things make me jump; like the Boi commenting on discharge when helping with the crinone gel. Or a fleck of dark lint on the gusset of white undies.

I accept that all 2ww people go through variations on this theme.

It's either every little thing is a sign it's going ahead or that it's not going to ever happen.

Paranoia's increase. The warmer the temperature the more panicked I become about the heat regulation thingy. If I'm cleaning in a warm moist environment then I am convinced I am dooming the cycle before it has a chance.

Skipping a meal: eating later than usual: forgetting the elevit: are all death sentences that I am inflicting upon this little life that may or may not be inside of me. (It doesn't help that Coca Cola is helping me better than most things as a tummy tonic, all that caffeine, all those conflicting reports about it's impact on foetuses.)

The Boi is pretty good in coping with my swings but he can't always be there; and that's when the little voices of doubt are the loudest.

That's when I feel myself reaching for the Kettle Chilli Chips and pigging out.

So; only 5 more sleeps. Thank goodness I'm working the next three days and have distractions organised for Tuesday. Wednesday I am buying a new online game as a consolation/celebration gift for myself.

On a lighter note: the Boi has posted a very funny (imho) post about how he's coping. It's not all laughs some of it's d&m stuff. But the final line had me in tears I was laughing so hard.

Females with male partners who are infertile might enjoy this perspective, especially the last line.

Thanks for all the continuing support.

Stirrup Queen rides high in the saddle!

I think everyone should read this post.

You can apply it to all areas of your life.

If more people thought like this the world would be a better place.

OK; Gushing over.

Someone give me a box of tissues

OK... I've raved at everyone to go read Miss Politics blog. Seriously. All four rock. Her one on the Fae is beautiful, her wiccan blog is informative and her recipes are yummy! (More please.)

Then there is her main blog. I don't always agree with her, we are human after all and if I agreed 100% with her she could accuse me of stalking and ask me to stay at least 50m away from her blog at all times. ;p

Then she does this.

How could I not love this womyn?

Thankyou.

Best Oppinion Piece I Have Read On Shiek Halili.

Once again Miss Politics has put it better than I ever could hope surrounding the continuing violence against women. I'm linking here so that people can read this.

I've been attacked! YES!

Read this very funny rant on TSSH as revealed to me by the Boi; you can find it here. I actually don't read it anymore... yep. I boycotted a site because I didn't like their treatment of others.

They then decided to misquote me; which is fine. That's their right. I found the attack very funny which is why I am linking to it.

What I didn't find funny is that I have no right to defend myself as I am not "subscribed" to their site. People if you don't want honest feedback then subscription makes sense. So; as is my right as a "dull and turgid" person I chose to retort here.

The "saving one person at a time" intro comment is meant as a tongue in cheek dig at myself. Yes, I do want to make a difference... and yes that could be perceived as dull.

I do volunteer work with the "Less fortunate" in our community. I work in an industry where making everyday count is what matters and I am studying to help others over come the mental health issues that plague one in five in our society. I have run for Federal Parliament for the Democrats on the basis that they have the better policies surrounding health care and education. Yes, I have causes. WHO DOESN'T?

Next point: I've been diary writing online in one form or another for about more than a decade now (started in 1994 at Uni in Bendigo, no I cannot find the links to put them here.), so the "month old" comment is more evidence of not getting facts right. Right to expression in any creative form does not exclusive belong to legal experts, computer geeks or journalists, nor does it come from having used a forum longer than others.

A retaliatory attack on me was fair; if I respond to others for being petty then I expect a retort. To do so in a way that does not then allow people to respond or defend themselves is juvenile. What next; pull my pigtails and run away? Stick your tongue out and go nerne nerne nerner?

I am however assuming it was a tssh poster, or reader, who posted a very offensive reply to one of my previous posts under the name "Penis", which I removed because family read this. Otherwise I would not have censored that comment. The advantage of blogging is free speech.

Not free attack because someone has a different view to you; but free speech. I didn't attack you guys; I just disagreed with what was said by you and advocated a boycott. I didn't make libellous comments, I didn't disagree with your right of reply over someone's comments directed at you. I just felt it was being taken way too far and thought that if people who were offended didn't read your stuff then it might fade away. Sounds reasonable to me. If you were a company I'd recommend not buying your products, if you were a country I wouldn't visit you. If you don't like my rants, my expression of self, then feel free to boycott me; I cannot say I care.

So how about I give you something legitimate to use in your attacks?

I don't write for others; but I will admit I try to moderate my style so others can read it. If I want to voice an opinion publicly I'll phone talk back radio or post to anothers journal. Anything I write here is as much an expression of self as it is a public forum. No ones life is full on excitement. I could resort to attacking others for a blog; but this goes against beliefs I hold.

BTW The Boi suggested that I don't link the article in as it "just empowers them", if I don't though it makes me as weak as you. (Are you going to launch an attack on him now too?)

So: my "Dull and turgid" little "month old" blog is here for those who want to read it.

To everyone else; thank you for taking the time to read my rants, I'm sorry you didn't enjoy them, but hey; like you I do this for me and so that those I care about know what I am up to. You don't need to return; but please, if you feel like you want to attack me; do it openly, here. Don't hide it on a site I don't read.

Additional bit: it was pointed out that they attacked again over a post that was on procrastination; if I am so repugnant why don't they do to me what I have done (until this date) to them and IGNORE ME. This reminds me of the vitriolic flame wars at Uni. They too were pointless, anonymous and childish. They also had fall out beyond the immediate circle of those under attack. As a friend called to say, after reading all of this; "Hey, if they've taken that much offense you've obviously reflected back something they don't like in themselves." I just want to know why if I am so dull they keep returning?

Amongst the second attack was a mention in a comment about me posting an email rather than forwarding to everyone in my in box; They're now attacking a person for promoting cancer awareness? Seriously. I must say I am looking forward to an in box clogged with the "champagne" that keeps spewing forth from tssh readers. And yes, I am aware that the two linked blogs are very similar; did you even read the intro on "Crayons"?

Lives people; they are not that expensive; go get your own and then you won't need to be bored by mine.

OK, back to ignoring that they exist.

Icehouse Icehouse

This is the cover art from Icehouse by Icehouse. It pictures the place mentioned below rendered by an artist.
I wonder if they lived there?

For those who have just read Crayons; or may be about to; these are the lyrics to the song I refer to;


It's always cold inside the ICEHOUSE
Though the rivers never freeze
There's a girl outside the ICEHOUSE
I can see her clearly though the trees
And now she's dreaming of a new love
And she hopes he'll be there soon
But she's got so long to wait for him
Because he needs another year to get there
There's no love inside the ICEHOUSE

The devil lives inside the ICEHOUSE
At least that's what the old ones say
He came along time ago
He came here in the winter snow
Bow it's colder every day
But she's still dreaming through the summer
And she's hoping through the spring
She says she's got no time for winter nights
She doesn't notice as the days grow colder
She can't remember getting any older
There's no love inside the ICEHOUSE

And now she's dreaming of a new love
And she hopes he'll be there soon
She says she's got no time for winter nights
She doesn't notice as the days grow colder
She can't remember getting any older
There's no love inside the ICEHOUSE
There's no love inside the ICEHOUSE
The ICEHOUSE...

At the moment I don't feel like I am outside the Icehouse (a psychiatirc hospital in Sydney) I feel like I might be stuck in the Icehouse. Sometimes the course triggers stuff in me that I don't want to own. I will not hurt myself but I am at risk of hurting others with my words and thoughts.

I wish I had the car so I could drive to a hug. It will wait; I probably just need to sleep.

I promise I won't hurt myself. I promise.

Derek and Clive; because what we need now is laughter.

For the Derek and Clive fans out there; checkout MelbourneGirl. Two of the funniest most gloriously offensive bits I have seen in some time... you know you want to; GO HERE!

I will admit to not being a huge Dudley Moore, but Peter Cook rocks! his priest in Princess Bride... ROFLMAO! (Oh shit... I've hit nerdy white girl territory.)

For an even bigger hit of D&C try You Tube.