... and as the time grows closer my nerves string them selves ever thinner.
Little things make me jump; like the Boi commenting on discharge when helping with the crinone gel. Or a fleck of dark lint on the gusset of white undies.
I accept that all 2ww people go through variations on this theme.
It's either every little thing is a sign it's going ahead or that it's not going to ever happen.
Paranoia's increase. The warmer the temperature the more panicked I become about the heat regulation thingy. If I'm cleaning in a warm moist environment then I am convinced I am dooming the cycle before it has a chance.
Skipping a meal: eating later than usual: forgetting the elevit: are all death sentences that I am inflicting upon this little life that may or may not be inside of me. (It doesn't help that Coca Cola is helping me better than most things as a tummy tonic, all that caffeine, all those conflicting reports about it's impact on foetuses.)
The Boi is pretty good in coping with my swings but he can't always be there; and that's when the little voices of doubt are the loudest.
That's when I feel myself reaching for the Kettle Chilli Chips and pigging out.
So; only 5 more sleeps. Thank goodness I'm working the next three days and have distractions organised for Tuesday. Wednesday I am buying a new online game as a consolation/celebration gift for myself.
On a lighter note: the Boi has posted a very funny (imho) post about how he's coping. It's not all laughs some of it's d&m stuff. But the final line had me in tears I was laughing so hard.
Females with male partners who are infertile might enjoy this perspective, especially the last line.
Thanks for all the continuing support.
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1 comment:
You know the more you write about your experiences the more I admire your strength.
I can imagine that is very difficult for you at the moment. Please don't stress that you are doing anything wrong. Its OK to eat later, its OK to forget the elevit, its ok to treat yourself to a coke or two or three or ten. Nothing that you do will harm anything at all. Your doing the best you can and the best you can is tops.
I'm glad you like coke and kettle chilli chips cause I love em too.
Try to keep cool in the hot weather. Its awful isn't it when it gets to thirty eight.
I praying for the best news of all in five days.
Hugs.
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