Phases Of The Moon and Phases Of Fertility


Sunday, April 15, 2007

Friday the 13th: Lucky for some...

I haven't written for a while due to my father's illness and my own tiredness associated with work, worry and pregnancy. I won't be writing for a while again due to my father's funeral, pregnancy and moving.

On Friday after a short illness my father passed over with my mother, one of my brothers and his family, Peter and myself by his side. Peter was actually outside trying to reach my sister as I saw what was about to happen and wanted her contacted as soon as possible.

I've never really held with death as anything more than a transition from one state to another, and feel the body is a beautifully elaborate vessel for holding the energy known as the soul. When he had stopped breathing I fell straight in to the mode of PCA laying out the body. I checked vitals, pupils and let the RN know. I made sure his teeth were in, and lay him flat, removing extra pillows that might add to the slackness of the jaw and make the funeral parlour's presentation job that bit harder. It was second nature to me.

Not so the brother, a Jehovah's Witness, who thought I was being morbid and did not understand the actions I was taking. Due to this I could not perform one of the last things I wanted to for my father, which was to wash his body and prepare him for the journey to the parlour.

I sat and watched him as long as I could, but said brother's 4 year old daughter kept coming in and I was concerned about how this might impact upon her in later life.

Making those phone calls were the hardest thing I've ever done.

You'd think losing a parent would be among the worst thing that could happen then the family tensions begin.

Mum and I went back to her place after the Doctor signed the certificate (about three hours post mortem.) My sister returned home, as did my JW brother. Middle son had come in, seen the body, left. {I'm skipping bits... sorry... I need to get this out in the order in my head.} Brothers who could not make it that evening were coming to the house the next day. We didn't really know who at the time but the oldest boy would be coming to help with the funeral and this we knew. Mum thought it would be a simple case of OB picking her up and taking her to parlour to sort details.

The Funeral rep came to the house to finalise the prepaid stuff and sort out other details. OB, JW, youngest boy and second son were all there by chance. OB because it was arranged was the only expected one. We didn't know it would be at the house. So, not everyone knew, not everyone was there. Those that bothered to call Mum knew what was happening and made their own decisions. Some just rocked up to be with Mum. Middle son never called.

Today we sorted out burial time, place etc.

Mum called around all the family to confirm and finalise all details. This is when the shit hit the fan.

Her first call was to middle son who had not bothered to call her to see how she was, had snubbed her and other family at the ACF where Dad died, and generally been a prick through out the past 8 weeks under the guise of "...but Dad said..." {I might of ranted at some point about a brother who never visited except at Christmas? Guess who?}

MS's de facto wife answered. I was the other end of the room and I could hear the strips torn from Mum as this cow attacked her for not including MS in the discussion. A discussion, keep in mind, Mum thought was the role of OB only and did not expect (or indeed want) any of the others to be at; myself included. When Mum hung the phone up she was visibly shaken and looked ashen. I thought I would be calling an ambulance to get her some help.

Next, she called SS and left a message as he was asleep due to working nights as a baker in his own business. (SS would like to have catered the after party at the house. He's not happy about this being held at the local Bowls club. My mother has major panic attacks at the thought of family coming home and the floors being dirty so can you imagine her state with about 100 people wandering through the house? )

JW was next on list. JW declined to be a pall bearer. Mum is upset by this. JW also refuses to do reading. Mum fears that JW will not turn up.

OB followed on the call list. He was very supportive and helpful. He might even try to make appointment with priest on Monday; first one to offer though all have had this information passed on.

YB took information in much the same way, but has to work so didn't expect to make the meeting about the service.

I had already called Sis so she was up to date over the whole situation, except the MS reaction.

Mum's shattered but holding it together over the whole situation. I feel like I am on the verge of a collapse emotionally so am at home tonight for a break and some cat time.

If your interested: Announcements in the Hun and the Age.


Pugsly said...


Hopeful Mother said...

I'm sorry that this is such a tough time right now.

Knock Me Up said...

I haven't posted on your blog before but have been reading. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. More than that I'm so sorry the family tensions have kicked into high gear so quickly. Such a horrible time for everyone and no one trying to make it easier. Thinking of you.


Miss Politics said...

I have been reading your posts but kept quiet as I didn't want to say or do anything that would further upset you.

I am very sad to hear that your dad has passed away. It must be very difficult to deal with all of the family tension though I do understand having had to deal with a similar situation when my grandfather passed away.

I'll send you a private email a bit later today. If there is anything that I can do to help. Meet for a drink? Talk. Listen. Hug. Whatever please let me know. I'll post said contact details in the email.

Take care. And please give your mum a hug for me. This must be a very terrible time for her.

Lara said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. It's so hard to lose a parent. I lost my mom when I was 32 and it was the most awful year of grief in my life. And I wasn't pregnant. Please take care of yourself and try not to stress too much. Let me leave you with one more thing that someone told me when my mom died. After someone dies, the funeral happens and then everyone goes away and its over for them. Often after its been a month or two you still feel upset and grief stricken and you'll find that people just don't understand it at all. Anyhow, all I'm trying to say is to take all the time you need to feel better and don't let anyone make you feel crazy because its taking you longer than they expect it should to get over it. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

deanna said...

I'm so very sorry about your father....Will be thinking of you and your family in the days ahead.

Allformybaby said...

I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Just remember that everyone grieves differently. What appears to be outlandish behavior, just might be guilt and regret. Hold your family as tight as they will let you. ((((huggs)))

Sami said...

I'm sorry for the loss of your dad and for the family issues that are ongoing... Know you are in my thoughts as is your mom.