Stats and craves.

OK! for all you statistic junkies out there: a quick fix!

Progesterone is at 167; HcG or "the pregnancy hormone" is at 4380.

As the nurse said "You are most definitely pregnant."

My concern at the moment is that I seem to already be having cravings, I just want to live on spicy foods (which cannot help prevent the morning sickness).

If it was dairy I'd think I was low in calcium; chocolate and sugary foods mean that your iron levels are out; but spicy foods?

One site I read suggested that the foods are what the child craves and have nothing to do with nutritional deficiencies. So bubs wants me to live on chillies, Thai, Indian and Mexican? Thats cool. I've even purchased a hot chilli sauce for dipping things in: no longer plain old tomato sauce on chips for this pink duck!

If I was craving meat I'd sought of get it... I'm vegetarian so i'd think it was protein and just up my tofu and mushroom content.

My concern is what it means. Will this subside or will the Boi have to get used to curry and spice every night? When do the really funky craves kick in? (You know the ones... gherkins and icecream; potting mix {iron levels apparently explain this one too}. )

My mother still cannot have milk in her tea, a hangover from morning sickness that has lasted over 32 years! She laughs at the concept of cravings but assured me last time (miscarriage at 8 weeks) that the baby will definitely tell you what it doesn't want. She also told the Boi to make sure I got a cup of tea in bed each morning before I got up to help with the nausea. I stll cannot work out if that was just her excuse for a cuppa or if it's good advice. She had 7 kids so I'm not arguing too much with her advice.... yet.

I do like having cravings; I never had them of morning sickness to this extent during the last one so i take them as good signs. I just wish I was less hungry. I know my body is using more energy and I am going down weight wise (could be work contributing to this too) but I am constantly looking for a snack.

So what do people think? Does it mean something? Nothing? Any weird craves? Any craves at all?

Oh... and what is the deal with sushi? Is it the fish or the seaweed you're suppsoed to avoid? *Sigh, I miss my Japanese food.*

just a quick note

Thank you to all those who've given me support and congratulations over the past week.

We have another blood test tommorow so I'll try to get the numbers for the "statistics junkies" out there.

I'm busy with work, morning sickness and just general living.

When I have some energy I'll post for real.

Hugs to everyone.

Results

BFP

I can hear him snoring from here; the other end of the house

The Boi is asleep, he should be. He's worked hard all day while I've just tried to distract myself at home.

I cannot sleep. I don't think its the lack of doing anything today: I caught up on dishes, clothes, bathroom, vacuuming, surface wipe downs and reorganised the crap in the lounge and kitchen; designed two basic invite/ card options and finished 60 thank you cards; and caught up on all my correspondence; and did some cooking. So I think it could be safely said I did stuff today.

I only have two rooms to sort through and organise and the house is perfect.

I cannot sleep because the outcome of tommorow haunts me.

If it's positive will it last? Can we afford a baby? How good at parenting will we be? What if it's the dreaded BFN monster? What are all the drugs doing to my body?

And there you have it; what's keeping me awake.

If I'm not pregnant maybe every little smell won't make me dry wretch, maybe the slightest noise won't drive me nuts, and all those lovely little habits of his can go back to being mildly annoying not the lead reason in my defence for murder.

But if I'm not everything else gets shed with the light of perspective. (I know most of this rant may well be nerves and hormones but it doesn't excuse that I feel like I am being Queen B at the moment for what, in big picture terms, is BS.)

OH FUCK! I hope I am pregnant. I know I'll be a good mum. The Boi will rock as a dad. I HAVE HOPE!!!!!

Godess Luna, as you watch over us in your beauty, help me to cope with this change in tide. Help me to embrace that which the Universe feels I can handle, and to accept that whatever the outcome is, it's not a punishment. As you embrace me through the window know I love you. Please help this life to grow. Please help this heart to heal.

8 hours to the blood test.

And a quote from Rimmer that about covers it:

"Listy, Listy, is that a small sewage plant you're carrying in your trousers or do I detect you're a tad nervous?"

Gods! I love Red Dwarf.

Out! Out! Damn Spot!

This post goes in to way to much detail: If squirmish don't read.

I've been spotting. This could mean nothing and it could mean that by Wednesday the blood test will be a futile search for nothingness while I lose even more blood.

It's not really spotting though: so I'm putting it out to all those on crinone: did you spot? Did you have a dark red discharge? (Like a dark red thrush in apperance.)

The first time we used crinone it impacted upon my gall bladder and my cycle came early.

The next time they implanted we used the pessaries. (Gosh! Aren't they fun! Any woman who has ever comlpained about sperm dribbling down her thigh should try the pesaries for a week. They melt in your hand, require you to lie down for 10 minutes post use, and leave a waxy/ oily residue on your clothing. ) Which went well as we held on until week 6.

Dr Downing suggested we use the crinone again this time. No gall bladder pain! We do however have this discharge.

So: if anyone has experienced this can they settle my nerves, and tell me what they know.

I've searched but gotten no real information, and Epworth IVF is shut till tommorow when I am working.

Thanks.

Only 5 more sleeps till the blood test...

... and as the time grows closer my nerves string them selves ever thinner.

Little things make me jump; like the Boi commenting on discharge when helping with the crinone gel. Or a fleck of dark lint on the gusset of white undies.

I accept that all 2ww people go through variations on this theme.

It's either every little thing is a sign it's going ahead or that it's not going to ever happen.

Paranoia's increase. The warmer the temperature the more panicked I become about the heat regulation thingy. If I'm cleaning in a warm moist environment then I am convinced I am dooming the cycle before it has a chance.

Skipping a meal: eating later than usual: forgetting the elevit: are all death sentences that I am inflicting upon this little life that may or may not be inside of me. (It doesn't help that Coca Cola is helping me better than most things as a tummy tonic, all that caffeine, all those conflicting reports about it's impact on foetuses.)

The Boi is pretty good in coping with my swings but he can't always be there; and that's when the little voices of doubt are the loudest.

That's when I feel myself reaching for the Kettle Chilli Chips and pigging out.

So; only 5 more sleeps. Thank goodness I'm working the next three days and have distractions organised for Tuesday. Wednesday I am buying a new online game as a consolation/celebration gift for myself.

On a lighter note: the Boi has posted a very funny (imho) post about how he's coping. It's not all laughs some of it's d&m stuff. But the final line had me in tears I was laughing so hard.

Females with male partners who are infertile might enjoy this perspective, especially the last line.

Thanks for all the continuing support.

Things that others could do...

We are keeping this cycle low profile. I'm using Crayons as a way to get out what I'd normally be blabbing to anyone in ear shot. One reason for this is the awkwardness that occurs when others have done something they feel is "thoughtful and a help" when things are going badly or through what I'd like to think of as them "Just not thinking".

Things others could not do:

Buy baby clothes as a surprise for a couple in their first trimester. This goes for the following also:

* How to books

* Cute toys designed for babies.

* Kids music and movies designed solely for kids; so Hi 5, BoohBah, The Wiggles (no matter how cute Captain Feathersword is.) or the like.

* Nursery supplies, inc. furniture.

* Basically anything that is designed for "Post baby life".

* If you're not genuinely happy about the baby or the journey to get to baby status. Be honest but be nice. Say "I know it's what you want but i don't want a blow by blow description of the ObGyn." or " I'm not a big fan of kids. I wish you luck but I may not be around as much as I am now."
OK, yes, you'll get called names but people will know where you stand. It doesn't mean you are being any less supportive, just that you're priorities are different to the expecting couple. (And if you've had tmi in the face of a polite request hire Alien, watch it with them and keep repeating "I hear that's really what child birth is like."
Don't comment on how you think the couple will do as parents. Don't snap at every bit of new baby news the couple share with you, especially if it's an announcement while the couple, or single, are struggling through with the failure of a step in the process.)

* Don't offer every piece of advice you've encountered during the process either you, family or a friend went through. I don't want to be paranoid about every little bite I take. I don't want to be lectured on how if I "relax it will happen without IVF." (Yep, gonna happen, if I relax the Boi's nuts will work right. *shrug*)

* Don't give pictures of your kids as presents to IF couples. This is just rubbing it in. (OK, so that's not really fair, but hey! If I cry at the puppies in the toilet paper ad...)

If you do this it means:

* You value my uterus more than you value me.

* You can bear the full brunt of resentment when things go badly, eg. Miscarriage in first trimester.

* You have no right to feel hurt if the reaction to these gifts is a resounding "I am not taking these!!!" followed by unending tears. (Especially if the pregnant person has been spotting for four weeks, is more stressed out than a monkey on crack and is so tired that sleep is a distant memory. You don't know what is driving the reaction, it is most probably not about you. No. Honestly. Not everything is. You only get a small glimpse of what is going on. Sometimes the best laid plans are salt in a paper cut, sometimes they are a machete to the heart. )

You could instead:

* Buy books that the pregnant person would love to read, books that they wouldn't get themselves that you think they might like, books by their favourite author. (Not Kaz Cooke's Up The Duff. If people want guides let them buy them themselves.)

* Help them out around the house; especially if both are working. This is not an open invite to reorganise the house and throw out all those things you never liked. It's you offering nicely to vacuum and wash floors, or mow lawns.

* Pamper days: massages, day spas, waxing vouchers, manicures, pedicures. Things that focus on the expectant mum relaxing and feeling like they are more than a Pod for the Triffid to escape from.

* Cook their fave foods; Take them shopping so they don't need to carry heavy bags; give vouchers for dinner for two or take out on nights they are working late.

* Ask them what they would like.

Everyone reacts differently to a situation. Some optimists with strong recovery powers may appreciate baby grow suits during the 2ww. I personally would be using them as handkerchiefs and burning them if things went wrong.

Mainly; be supportive with out putting on pressure (which you may not realise you are doing, so tread gentle. Good rule of thumb, don't sign off messages as "Grandma" or "Pop" or address them to "Mum" or "Dad" until you've held the baby for the first time.)

OH! and definitely offer to pay for the over priced to die for maternity top that has your D/IL in tears in the shop. Good move and you'll win automatic "You can be in the room if you like for the birth" status. ;p (Just kidding!)

But I would like: