Phases Of The Moon and Phases Of Fertility

CURRENT MOON

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Venting to try and stay sane...

This is more of a vent than anything so bear with me...

Mum went to the doctors today, nothing new to report but he has x-rayed her chest due to a persistent cough and given her a referral to a physio about her back.

She's in a mood with me because I lectured, and that's as good a word as any, her about combustion in wheat bags. I even gave her guidelines when she said she'd never heard of them catching on fire; one lot from the NSW fire brigade with the risks outlined. She thinks I'm worrying too much and being over dramatic. *shrug* You can smell the wheat bags through the house the next morning, a sort of burnt bread smell, but she can't smell it so it doesn't exist. It also gives her an excuse to criticise the cats and the smell of food/ trays if we mention smells.

Marie has upset Martha with a letter she sent her about Des. Think the Donna fiasco played out on a "Marie was always more spoilt, she and Lorna should never of said what they did after Leo died, etc" level. All the old jealousies that she has played out in us kids exacerbated by the loss of Des. I'm trying to be patient but don't know how to handle this. The Boi keeps telling me to communicate with her but its like talking to... well, let's be honest... Mum.

I never anticipated this when we talked about the move.

Worst of all is she has started doing over the top displays by purchasing things when the Boi and I try to help in anyway. I got an over priced pair of maternity pyjama's for driving her around for the funeral. I don't know if she's trying to out do The Boi's family or what but it makes me feel very uncomfortable and I wish she'd put the effort into her great grandchildren and grandchildren instead.

Oh! If she mentions the PJ's you can tell her how much I liked them. Except for the colour and the price I do. They are a great deal nicer than the granny nighties she keeps pushing.

Taking her to Spotlight was pointless. Walk in, look at wraps, look at wools and leave. Tut tut over the range of polar fleeces, sniff at the flannelettes and run down the suggestion of making PJ's like we bought after saying how she can copy things but isn't original in ideas. Going to Spotlight was her idea.

Worst of all for me is the side comments about how The Boi and I do things. "I don't want to sound critical but..." starts of the conversation. It's everything from how we prepare veggies, to what we buy, to our driving styles and choices regarding parenthood. I know Pete wants me to listen to her advice and try to meet her part way on things but he's not getting the full impact. It's not just me she's running down now. It's like she knows my two weakest points and is hammering at them. I can't hide in bed or the bath all the time but I'm losing it. And if she uses language that negates herself one more time I think I will.

I'm trying to apply the skills we learnt in the course. I'm trying to be patient. I'm losing me, I'm losing confidence, and I'm losing my happy.

This could all be hormones, it could all be topic, but I'm losing it.

If I cannot be a good daughter how the hell am I ever going to be a decent mother?

5 comments:

Miss Politics said...

Sounds to me like you ARE a great daughter. And you'll make an AWESOME mother to that beautiful little gorgeous you are carrying right now.

Don't let yourself lose your happy or your confidence. If you can't feel you can talk to your mum about this right now and its really getting you very down maybe a look at your living options might be a good idea.

Once the little one comes along the last thing you need is someone critiquing your parenting. It will only bring you down and result in you not enjoying being a mum because you are constantly thinking of how inadequate you are!!

Did you get my email from some months ago when your dad passed away? I haven't heard from you and wondered how you were. Good to see you back on line.

Artblog said...

ones got nothing to do with the other, you'll be just fine, I'm sure!

Artblog said...

hey its me again, long time no hear, how are you doing????

オテモヤン said...

オナニー
逆援助
SEX
フェラチオ
ソープ
逆援助
出張ホスト
手コキ
おっぱい
フェラチオ
中出し
セックス
デリヘル
包茎
逆援
性欲

Kristin said...

Hello! I know you don't know me, but we've got something in common. I got your blog address off the Stirrup Queen's blogroll and was wondering if you wouldn't mind helping me help a couple who is trying to add a little one to their family. We're holding a silent auction for them this weekend (Friday and Saturday) on goteamwitt.blogspot.com and need help getting the word out! We would love it if you would spread the word via social media or here on your blog. Additionally, we are always looking for more donations to auction off, so if you or someone you know might be interested in making a donation, all the information is under the donate tab. If you have any questions or would be willing to post a pre-written blog post about the auction and the sponsored couple, please contact Kristin at goteamwitt@gmail.com Thanks in advance for taking the time to consider this!